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Search Results 0 to 17 of about 18 (some duplicates have been removed)
this morning he hit the head on the nail. jim? >> why don't you say something to people making billions of dollars making video games where you shoot down, you murder, you maul 1,000 people a day. becoming more and more warped, more and more twisted, more and more desensitized. >> stephen: watching something over and over again can making you forget the difference between fantasy and reality. for instance, sometimes i mistake "morning joe" for a news show. joe is right, folks, today in america it's legal for anyone regardless of mental health and criminal history to waltz into a wal-mart and buy unlimited calls of duty. the only safety they come with is an impossible to open package. [ laughter ] i always end up using my gun. [ laughter ] so i'm giving a tip of my hat to everyone with the courage to face the real problems, fake guns. it's an especially brave argument considering research has found no conclusive evidence that ming video games results in real life violence. oh, yeah, then how do you explain me throwing my wii remote through my television. don't say it was my sweaty palm b
. cool ., who -- and i did not know this -- is also an aspiring rapper. jim? gee, mr. white man, i wish you understood what the world is really like when you're living in the hood ♪ ♪ just because my pants are sagging doesn't mean i'm up to know good. i'd like to buy you a beer, conversate and clear the air but i see that red flag and i think you wish i wasn't here. ♪ i'm just a white man ♪ ♪ if you don't judge my do-rag ♪ ♪ comin' to you from the south land ♪ ♪ i won't judge your red flag ♪ tryin' to understand what it's like to not be ♪ i'm proud of where i'm from ♪ >> stephen: that's a pretty good deal, paisley. l.l. will forget 250 years of enslavement if you accept his taste in accessories. nation, i thought racism ended when we elected the first black president but it turns out he was just the opening act. because this song has united all americans not just black and white but latino, asian, muslim, pacific islander, inuit. all of us to join our voices as one and declare: this song sucks! ( cheers and applause ) i've got to say, this level of unifying sucka
news in the war on terror. jim. >> canadian police say they foiled a plot that had support from al qaeda to derail a train. two men are under arrest. u.s. homeland security and the f.b.i. were also involved. >> the plan was to blow up a bridge in canada while a train was crossing, a train which toronto and new york city commuters use. >> this is a testament to the strength of our relationships with canadian and american law enforcement. >> stephen: yes, the royal canadian mounted police, or mounties, have thwarted an al qaeda-inspired terrorist attack, which is quite a fate considering how hard it is for them to go under cover. folk, i would like to say a word to our friends up north-- you canadians are a brave and heroic people. if i have said it once, this is the one time i said it. ( laughter ) ( applause ) ( cheers ) ladies and gentlemen, i-- i want all my maple-blood brothers to know that we would put it on the line to protect you if there was anyone who disliked you. ( laughter ) so thank you, canada. this is the greatest gift you have given our country since your years of s
a new product to enhance intercourse. jim? >> sexcereal. that is it's name. it's being billed as the world's most passional cereal. it features special natural blends for both men and women. the promos are playful showing a couple at first bored in bed. then throw in some sex cereal and, of course, some sex, which we don't see. and the mood picks up. >> colbert: yes, the mood picks up when you throw in some sexcereal and some sex. its manufacturer claims it's part of a balanced breakfast. you'll need that balance when you're doing it in the brek fooft nook. that's why i'm giving a tip of the hat to sex-cereal for making sure we'll never skip breakfast ( cheers and applause ) by which again i mean sex. the old 23 skidoo. because at 6:30 a.m. with bleary eyes and breath like a landfill corpse, who isn't champing at the bit to get bizay? here's how it works >> the cereal boasts all natural ingredients like bee pollen, wheat german pumpkin seeds supposedly all natural stimulants for men and women >> colbert: you do not have to tell me about pumpkin seeds. you should see how i carv
bill. ( laughter ) jim. >> on wednesday, the senate blocked the most far-reaching gun control legislation in two decades. >> it needed 60 votes. it got 54. >> the gun control package is stopped cold in the senate. >> stephen: that's right! we cannot d didn't do it! whooo! ( cheers ) jimmy, jimmy, where's my balloon drop? and, folks, we achieved this victory, despite relentless pressure from special interest grieving parents being used as props by generalissimo glock-snatch over here who, following the defeat, took to the rose garden. >> those who care deeply about preventing more and more gun violence will have to be as passionate and as organized and as vocal as those who blocked these commonsense steps to help keep our kids safe. and i see this as just round one. >> stephen: just round one? so we have to limit the size of our ammo magazines but you get as many round as you want? ( laughter ) luckily, 45 brave senators stood tall to protect what they homeland most precious their "a" rating from the n.r.a., like republican senator and brylcreem storage facility ted cruz who
Search Results 0 to 17 of about 18 (some duplicates have been removed)